art by me
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If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.

A clear conscience is usually a sign of a poor memory.

Change is inevitable...except from vending machines.

Hell hath no fury like the lawyer of a woman scorned.

Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

Borrow money from pessimists- they don't expect it back.

If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving is not for you.

LAW OF GEOMETRIC COMPLEXITY: No system is so simple that it cannot, with ingenuity and perseverence, be made complex.

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Watch out for these viruses....

Jane Fonda virus: Attacks your hard drive's FAT

AT&T virus: Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting

MCI virus: Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the AT&T virus

Politically Correct virus: Never calls itself a "virus", but instead refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism".

Ross Perot virus: Activates every component in your system, just before the whole darn thing quits

Arnold Schwarzenegger virus: Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back.

Government Economist virus: Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine

Congressional virus #1: The computer locks up, screen splits erratically with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem

Congressional virus #2: Runs every program on the hard drive simultaneously but doesn't allow the user to accomplish anything

Adam and Eve virus: Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple computer

Airline virus: You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore

PBS virus: Your computer stops every few minutes to ask for money

Jimmy Hoffa virus: Your programs can never be found again

O.J. virus: It claims that it did not, could not and would not delete two of your files and vows to find the virus that did it

Lorena Bobbit virus: Turns your hard disk into a 3.5 inch floppy

Hillary Rodham Clinton virus: Instantly turns 1K of disk space into 1 Meg

Paul Revere virus: Warns of an impending virus infection-- 1 if by LAN, 2 if by C:\.

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 If you know how to make Cheese Fondue, please tell me! Several years ago, our neighbors, who lived next door, were moving out of state and I invited them over for a farewell dinner.  I thought it would be nice to serve cheese fondue.   I had never made it, but thought what could be so difficult about melting cheese in a pot???

Read on.......

 Remove one year's accumulation of dust from fondue pot.Light candle, place fondue pot over flame.
Break 12 oz. natural Swiss cheese into small pieces and put into pot.
Add 2 shakes shredded Mozzarelli and "dash" of milk.
Stir with wooden spoon as cheese begins to melt.
When cheese does not melt fast enough, hold pot over high heat on range, stirring constantly.
As cheese turns into large clump, add more milk to thin.
When clump becomes a large glob, give up, remove from heat, place over candle and set on table.
To serve, spear clump with fork, break off small portions and place on squares of French bread, serve to neighbors who are moving out of state.
Variation: Glob can also be used for "cheese-pull" (as in taffy).

Note: It tasted great, and it was the most fun we ever had. (I gave the neighbors a copy of my "recipe".) That was about 1975. To this day, I have not even thought about making cheese fondue.

 

Computer Woes
&
kEYbOaRdInG

All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound?

RAM disk is NOT an installation procedure.

Speed Kills! Use Windows 95. 

To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer. 

The definition of an upgrade: Take old bugs out, put new ones in.

Keyboard : Instrument used to enter errors into computer.

It works! Now if only I could remember what I did.

How an engineer writes a program: Start by debugging an empty file.

Daddy, what does FORMATTING DRIVE C mean?

Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (P)anic
 

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Some fun things....

Hates his parents

          The mail MUST go through!

Three French Hens