PEAPATCH MOUNTAINTOP EXPRESS

Located way up there on a mountain so we

can see everything an’ tell Y’all the truth about

what goes on around here.

Be kind to your rovin’ Reporter. Tell us what you know.

Your secret is safe with us !

Everthang y’all ever need to know about this here place but didn’t ask fer fear of gettin’ shot daid.

Main Editor: Ima Ryder Asst. Editor: A. P. Podd

Rovin’ Reporter: Vaughn Tahnoawl

Volume I  Issue II

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MORE BRAKEN’ NEWS:Y’all remember last month when Heabee Nowan went in that radio shack to fix that webcam and fell in, well, Lum Berjak found out why them dogs of his wouldn’t come out from under the cabin porch. They wuz on strike. Seems they want more time off from huntin’ on account of they ain’t no puppies no more.

To git on with the story, Heabee found a shovel down there ‘n commenced to diggin’ and afore Sheriff Ira Arrestemall cud find a come-along to pull him out, Heabee had dug a tunnel clean across the field and landed smack dab in a polecat den and dug his way up to the top of the ground. Heabee was shore glad to smell that fresh air, but it weren’t so bad after all, ‘cause them two fragrances sorta aromatized and Heabee walked down Main Street leavin’ behind a spicy-smellin’ scent.

Heabee looks like this -

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ROAD WORKERS STILL WANTED! Last month, the Mayor let his road workers go and took on another bunch. This time he gave ‘em a test. Well, he musta give ‘em the wrong kind of test, cause they painted the right lane at the intersection, (look at picture up yonder) and didn't bother to take down this sign- remember this from last month?  Now, that other bunch what ain’t workin’ on these roads no more, had put up this sign. Well, you might can guess what happened. Yep! A bunch of trucks and cars been bumpin’ into each other on account they think "S O T P" means "Stomp On The Pedal", and with that other sign, they keep tryin’ to go both ways and it ain’t workin’.

So if anybody knows anybody who can paint and ain’t deslecdisleks …always turnin’ words and letters and things around backwards, for the love of pete, tell ‘em to call the Mayor’s office or come on down and take a sign paintin’ test ‘cause people are complainin’ about hearin’ all them tires a-screechin’ and that bangin’ goin’ on all night and all day.

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Ain’t them little squiggly things purty? If any of y’all have anything to say about this here paper, if y’all wanta PROfess or even CONfess, y’all can write a piece and if there be sum space to write it in here, y’all will see it in the next one, or the next after that, or maybe even after the next after that one. Thank y’all for takin’ time to read all this braken news.

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SAVVY TEST Ok. Now here’s the rite answers to the Peapatch Savvy Test that y’all took in last month’s paper. See if y’all git to stay in Peapatch or if y’all have to go to Dogpatch for more schoolin’ on country livin’. Here they are.

1. (D) Jar lid
2. (C) Hound dog
3. (D) Cool
4. (C) Dynamiting
5. (B) Children’s game
6. (A) Take an Old Cold Tater and Wait
7. (C) Toy
8. (D) Working for AFDC-WE&T
9. (A) Remove the armpit kernels
10. (D) Watercress
11. (C) Government Whiskey
12. (B) Nostrum
13. (D) Till his pore heart broke
14. (A) In the light of the moon
15. (C) A bit supported by the chest

5 to 10, chances are you live in Ohio and will be entitled to think of yourself as a part-time mountaineer

Less than 5, better head back to the city.
 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^I jus love them li’l squigglies. Theyre so purty!!

Y’ALL’S LETTERS AND BILLS

I know y’all been wonderin’ why you didn’t get nothin’ in yer mailboxes for a few days. Well, we got the proof (see that picture over there >>) It seems the post office person has been havin’ trouble with that ol’ mule. I swan, he’s the stubbornest animal I ever seen. But Mr. Carrier, (he’s the post office person who brings y’all’s mail when the ol’ mule ain’t a balkin’) says he almost got him to move yesterday, and if he don’t, then he’ll go find a horse or even a goat. Some kind of pack animal so y’all can git yer bills and stuff. Just hang on.

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HAM FELLERS ARE HERE! Them ham fellers got in town today. They brought them radios what make the beepin’ sounds and y’all won’t bleeeve what else. They got a whole truckload of wires and poles and wire pinchers and brass things you pound on to make the beepin’ sounds (they said that’s called a "key", but it don’t look like nothin’ that would open any lock I ever seen. Then there’s one they call "paddles" that you squeeze to make them sounds). Why y’all couldn’t paddle anybody with that thing. It’s so small about all y’all could do is whack somebody’s fingers or hand with it.

Back to the ham fellers. When we heard they was comin’ here, our own A. P. Podd, went and got him one of them little radios (the beepin’ kind) and learned how to make it work, so he’ll be right in there with them fellers.

Now they say they gonna have a "field" day with them radios. I don’t know about y’all, but I use my CB radio in the cornfield and the hayfield, wheatfield and any field, all the time, ‘cause it’s little and fits in yer hand.

This feller you see here got the right idee...... his radio looks like our CB’s, ‘and he talks with it, ‘cept his is a "ham" radio. I reckon it’s a "ham CB". He says he has a Extra class license. I reckon that means he don’t need to pound a key and paddles and knows moren them other hams who tie them beepin’ radios to trees and poles. I didn’t figger that out yit, but looks like they are havin’ a lot of fun just hookin’ em to them poles and trees. And y’all know somethin’ else? They get actual words outa them beepin’ sounds. I cain’t imagine what kinda fun they gonna have when they start poundin’ that "key" and squeezin; them "paddles". Only thing about that is they cain’t carry them beepin’ ones around ‘cause they’re tied to trees and poles. When we find out what this stuff is all about, y’all will read it first in this here Express. I’ll ask our own A P Podd about it after them fellers leave. He will know all about it and I cain’t wait to hear it.

That picture up yonder on the right is all them wires and poles.

Vaughn Tahknowall